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Copyright © 2003-2004 Ivo Timmermans. Unless otherwise specified, all material on this website (including any images, sound files, and other original works) may be distributed under a Creative Commons License. (more about this site)

The difference between dogs and cats/

Posted on 2005-01-10 by ivo :: / :: link

Excerpts from a dog's diary

Day number 180

8:00 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 amOH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noonOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pmOH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pmOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PMOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PMOH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 181

8:00 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 amOH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noonOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pmOH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pmOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PMOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PMOH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day number 182

8:00 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 amOH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 amOH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 amOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noonOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pmOH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pmOH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PMOH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PMOH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Excerpts from a cat's diary

Day 752

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

Day 765

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day 768

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid?! My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

Day 774

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...